why do i stay at home all the time?

I was not always as introverted as i am now. I mean i think i was fairly reserved but in the past half-decade or so, i’ve taken that to a whole new level. I’ve also gotten very very very private and i’ve secluded myself and withdrawn even further.


I started to ask myself a lot of questions about who i am now versus the person i think i used to be. a very astute therapist i used to see told me something i never forgot; don’t go back to compare who you used to be unless you want to relive that part of your life again. it was simple, and it didn’t really make too much sense at the time. a couple a years afterwords, it started to make complete sense. I like parts of who i used to be but i’ve accepted the person i am now, well for the most part. one thing i’m still trying to sort out now is why outside no longer interests me.

the fact is that this pre-dates the pandemic. in fact a silver lining from the pandemic for me was that i no longer had to find excuses to turn down invitations. invitations, by and large, stopped coming. in truth, the few that trickled in, i was able to very easily decline them. 

ordinarily, when i move into a new city, i’d seek out some folks i feel like i want to connect with and immediately try to tap into whatever creative scene that city has going. since i moved to cincinnati, i have done no such thing. in fact i have not really left my apartment other than for work, to the gym or to catch a flight. my friend tiarra got me out one time, i wonder how she did it.

today, i stepped out to get me a new pair of glasses. i was finally able to see an optometrist and got myself a prescription. all that was left was find me some glasses i wanted. i left my apartment and walked to the nearby warby parker. on my way there, i noticed a few things that i thought were really interesting. firstly, the spot was gentrified as hell—construction everywhere and most significantly white people everywhere. 

which one of these glasses you think i picked? i’ll know telepathically.

so i obviously haven’t lived in cincinnati long enough to understand anything about this city but from what i’ve gathered, OTR was historically a black neighborhood. There’s still a lot of black folk that live there, admittedly, but i noticed that all the folks hanging out at the bars and cute restaurants and sidewalks were all white folk. i found that really interesting. 

why i don’t live my apartment is a really interesting question though. i’ll let you know when i find answers to it. for now, its cozy.

also, BLM.

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